I’m putting it out there.

The fact that my brother constantly puts everyone down disgusts me. The fact that he’s given up looking for work is even worse. The fact that he puts down his own father makes me lose respect for him. The fact that he still lives in this house and has the audacity to say such things surprises me. And lastly, the fact that he doesn’t have the fucking balls to ever say such things to my father’s face makes him a coward in my eyes.  If my father wants to go back to school for political science or whatever he aspires to be, then let him. He wants to better himself, he wants to open doors of opportunity for himself, he values education. And you’re doubting him? Believe I’d be there every step of the way to support him, correct his essays, help him study for tests, because he wants to better himself for the good of his children and family.  So what if his education never went past high school, he wants to further it NOW, and that’s all that matters.  So you have a degree in human biology, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT? You’re not working, you’re not in medical school, you’re not doing anything to further your ambitions. It’s hard? Obviously, nothing worth having came easy, you need to be willing to put in hours of blood, sweat, and tears to get where you want in this life. If you’re not willing to work, you’ll never achieve it.

 The fact that you demean me and all the progress I’ve made with my body.  You criticize the music I listen to, why? Because it’s rap, because it speaks of sexual acts and hood rat shit? Music doesn’t define the person I am or the person I’m working to become.

You’re all talk and no action. If you wanted change, you would have taken the initiative and done something significant in the year that you’ve been off. I respect you’re going back to school in a sense, but if you “hate” the man who raised you that much, then get the fuck out of this house, find a damn job, and support yourself.

I’ll always love you, and you’ll always be my brother, but the way you demean people and yet don’t have the courage to be blunt about is besides me. If you have something to say, own the fuck up to it and say it.  If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to speak your mind because at least you know you’re being real, and no one can put you on the spot for being fake. You’re fake. You claim I’m being fake? That I’ve changed?  When in actuality, I’ve grown so much in the past 5 years while I’ve seen you become stagnant, demotivated, and over weight. I’ve changed alright, I’ve changed into someone who speaks her mind, who isn’t the push over sister that you used to know, that’s working towards her goals and future that she wants. You watch her bust her ass everyday in the gym , spending nights up late studying, and working to make money to support her needs because she doesn’t want that financial burden on her parents.I’m saving up like crazy to purchase my own car, and here you are saying you deserve a new car? I mean, I’ve been and am in the process of saving up big time for that rather large investment. And you’re demeaning me and the progress I’ve made? HA. I notice you in church every Sunday, you stare up at the alter and the father as he gives his sermon with a blank face. I don’t even know if any of it is soaking in, if it’s making you think twice about what you’re doing with your life.  Or if you’re even questioning why you’ve said some of the things you’ve said.  I’m not saying I’m perfect, but at least I still have the utmost respect for my father, mother, and body. I’ve grown in college, I’ve changed mindsets multiple times, and I’m still changing.

I USED to look up to you. Now, I don’t even know who you are.